I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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