If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
