Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
