i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
