how can u be prego again
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
