I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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