No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
