i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
