So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
