Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
