my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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