Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
