Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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