I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
