So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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