Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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