Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
