This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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