Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
