And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
