I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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