If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
