I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.