So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
