We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.