They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night