You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
