Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle