and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌