Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
