their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
