if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
