I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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