Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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