How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
