Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
