we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
