I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she told me i tasted like america
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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