I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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