I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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