260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
