i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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