I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
