There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
