This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
