Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
