I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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