apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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