just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
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Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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