I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
