I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
this just has baby written all over it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize