Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
