Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
