This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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