Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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