nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
