What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
apparently the secret to your success is patron
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
