he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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