So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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