Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
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i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
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I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night