Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?

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(210): eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life? http://tfl.nu/6stl

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(727): View more from Florida

what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway

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(727): what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway http://tfl.nu/b3sf

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(360): View more from Washington

I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room

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(360): I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room http://tfl.nu/ooda

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(801): View more from Utah

Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?

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(801): Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch? http://tfl.nu/p8up

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(859): View more from Kentucky

i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey

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(859): i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey http://tfl.nu/w11j

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"

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(608): it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face" http://tfl.nu/ke0l

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(253): View more from Washington

If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.

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(253): If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life. http://tfl.nu/jc0t

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.

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(414): Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl. http://tfl.nu/70hc

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.

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(717): Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too. http://tfl.nu/67rw

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(901): View more from Tennessee

At least you have booty calls.

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china

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(901): At least you have booty calls. (1-901): True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china http://tfl.nu/6dg2

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(212): View more from New York

all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"

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(212): all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???" http://tfl.nu/w522

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.

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(814): It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it. http://tfl.nu/w90m

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.

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(814): My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night. http://tfl.nu/obx4

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(720): View more from Colorado

Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.

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(720): Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid. http://tfl.nu/ckk0

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.

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(405): Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again. http://tfl.nu/vkin

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