How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
