I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes