that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special