you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.