The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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