Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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