well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
