What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
