I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
