Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
