Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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