your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
