i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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