So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
