So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
