What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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