addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
