You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
