Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
