when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
