Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize