Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
