I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
