Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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