What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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