K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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