You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
