she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
