life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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