You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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