Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
