Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just want nice things and good sex
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
