just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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