You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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