I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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