I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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