I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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