i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All I want is dick and wine.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
